Dear Mom, Today I saw a cow, and I met a duck, and I made a friend.

Wednesday already! My weekend flew past without a hitch. Saturday was spent shopping with my Mother. I spent WAY more money than I intended to. But I needed some new shirts. And usually - when I need shirts, I buy pants - and vice versa. But this time, I was successful at buying only shirts. (okay - and ONE skirt, but it was only $9 and super cute, so I couldn't pass it up!) Sunday is always a lazy day, and that's how I like it. We have our read the paper and drink coffee ritual on Sundays that I wouldn't trade for a whole bushel of walnuts.

Monday I cleaned a little more. Just the kitchen - nothing major. And then Alex and I ran errands. I acquired some Lamasil AT. This might be gross - but it's my blog, so here goes... My feet have always been dry and cracked on the bottoms. Always. I can't remember when they weren't. I've tried corn huskers oil - all brands of lotions - regular pedicures... NOTHING worked. And then I saw a commercial for Lamasil. It said that cracked feet could be a form of athlete's foot - and that I should spend $12 on an insanely small tube of their product to fix it. Well - I happened to have a $3 off coupon for the stuff, and I decided to give it a try. Wouldn't you know - after 2 days of use, I already see a difference! My poor feet. They were sick, and I didn't know. After speaking with Mom about it - we deduced that I probably got athlete's foot way back in the day when I used to share a locker room with a bunch of smelly boys - and I just didn't know. YUCK!

Yesterday was Superman day. Alex and I had tickets to the 10pm premiere. We got there at about 9 - and the line was nearly out the door of the theatre. The movie was really good. Now - growing up, I really wasn't a fan of the Superman movies. Admittedly, I haven't watched them since I've been an adult, but I hesitate to do so, because I really didn't like them as a kid. But this movie was actually good. I don't know whether it was the fact that I've been subjected to such movies as Daredevil and Hellboy that made this movie so appealing. But I have to say - it was enjoyable.

Tonight - another premiere! Blade the series premieres tonight on Spike TV 9pm central I expect all of you to be watching. Why, you ask is this so important? Simply because the brother of my sweetheart is a production assistant for this show. We are very excited for Sterling, and we're really proud of him for all the hard work he's been doing. (not to mention how proud of him we are that he had the sack to move out to LA and try to make it!)

There is no new news on the Master's degree front. I guess I'll be taking some undergrad English classes coming up this fall and spring. Bastards! I am thinking that I may as well find out what more I would need to do to make it into a 2nd bachelors. Since it's still a BA (which I already have) it shoudln't be too much more. And it might help me in the future. WHO knows?

I'm excited for this weekend! Heather is coming to town - Uncle Phill is coming too. And next week - I hear that my good friend Amy Ealey will be in town, and we might even get to have lunch or something! I am also sketching together some plans to hopefully go to the Moore/Norman area in mid-July to see all of my peeps there. No big plans for the 4th. Last year we went to "Boom pond" which was a private fireworks display put on by one of my friends. We were invited to that again this year - but Alex has vetoed the idea since last year - he ended up with 40 or so mini-marshmallow sized mosquito bites. (even despite the fact that we covered ourselves in OFF before we went out there)

Oh - and I cleaned the front room, dining room, family room today. I have been a productive little thing.

mmm... I'm thinking it's shower time.

Caution: Hot beverage

I'm so bad at this doing nothing gig that I'm going to turn myself into a maid. Okay - so it might not be exactly that dramatic. Marmee offered to fire her maid and let me clean her house for the same amount of money. I decided it would at least be something. Something to do and some extra cash.

Alex and I went to Wal-Mart tonight. We planted some herbs a couple of months ago, and they needed to be repotted. Now - I've never repotted anthing. Frankly, I've never even potted anything for the first time. But my moneymaker tomatoes seem to be thriving. Or - they WERE before I repotted them. Don't tell anyone - but I am not even sure what a "moneymaker" tomato is.

And that was our big Friday night. To be fair - we did go on a mini double date with Marmee and Rico. We had a nice dinner at Outback steakhouse.

Now - after flexing my green thumb, I am here on my sofa watching re-runs of Sex and the City and Will & Grace. At least I wasn't a total slug today, though. I cleaned all three of our bathrooms today. I'm hoping that I will dust and vaccum tomorrow. Then maybe Sunday I will mop the kitchen floor and FINALLY get my office all set up.

Okay.... Resuming slackery.

Don't mention it

Hi guys.

Just a hot and muggy Thursday here in la la land. My brain is slowly oozing out of my ears. I have nothing to occupy it with. I am short 150 kids, and my sanity.

Did I tell you that this year is my ten year high school reunion? Yep. And for those of you who haven't yet experienced this rite of passage - let me give you a heads up... You have to pay to attend. Now, I'm not an idiot... Really. I figured, you know, $35 bucks tops. I didn't guess it would be... $150 for the weekend. That's right. One hundred and fifty dollars. Are they insane!?!?!?!

In other news, I'm so bored I considered cleaning my neighbors' (whom I've never met) houses for free. >somebody save me<

I find it interesting that just as being really busy is a non-motivator to be productive, so is being really not busy. I was such a vegged out slug yesterday, that I actually felt like I was getting sick. I wasn't, of course, but I really thought I must be. I even took my temperature.

It's about to rain here, and the biggest most exciting part of my day (going to the grocery store) is about to get rained out. Guess I should go clean a bathroom, or finish unpacking my office.

In an era of male dominance, violence and conflict, she becomes known as "River Queen", generously helping others. Including some who want to kill her

Good Sunday evening, readers!

I hope everyone had a nice Father's Day. Mine was celebrated last night with my Dad. He invited me to go to his church with him for a special Father's Day service. So - today was a lazy day. I tried out a new recipe (parmesan crusted chicken cutlets) out of a Real Simple magazine. It was super yummy and way easy!

Now - Alex is off in his office, and I am here at my laptop. I've been working on getting my home office out of chaotic state in which it's been living... But it's turned out to be bigger than a one-afternoon project. I've got a couple of bookshelves to put in there that will hopefully help. SO MUCH JUNK! And to think - I got rid of a bunch of junk before we moved here!

Alex and I had a movie weekend. On Friday - we went to see Nacho Libre. It was ok. Not the best Jack Black movie - but entertaining. Then, yesterday - we saw District B13. If you have a theatre that shows independent films - go as soon as possible to see this movie. It had some great action in it - and an interesting plot. *warning* the movie is in French with English subtitles. But it is way worth it. You get to see really neat examples of "parkour" which is the art of constant motion. Think Matrix but real.

The summer is starting to speed by too quickly. Before I know it - July will be here and gone.

2am musings

I think my brain has become too idle. Not that my class is overwhelmingly easy. But - my brain and my body became used to the frenzy that is being a teacher. And now, I have free time. So much so that it has zapped my focus for anything AT ALL, and has since made it impossible for me to sleep tonight. So, Alex is in bed. Slumbering blissfully. And I have returned to the dining room and my laptop.

*sigh*

Nothing is "wrong" perse. I'm just... God! I can't even think of a word to describe how I'm feeling. Just not at home with myself these days. I have doubt infesting my brain like a mossy parasite. I doubt everything right now. And I know it is this setback with my Masters that has me so self-conscious. On one hand, it's sad to know that something over which I have zero control can affect my mood in such a way. And on the other hand - it really shows that getting this masters and subsequent PhD is really important to me. Enough so that I am completely frustrated with any and all bumps in the road to getting those things.

When I start to feel all spastic and out of control, my mind always takes me back to college. The days when I was so surrounded by friends that I could barely take a dump without someone else in the room. I know that I must have been longing for some alone time then. Now - I long for some non-alone time. Not that I'm alone. I'm not. I have Alex. But it is one thing to have a boyfriend, and quite another to have a friend. And I have friends. I have Angie and Phill and Crumpets and Laura and Tiffany and Sarah etc... But I don't have a single one of them here. Which is I guess what happens after college. We move on. But don't we get other friends once we've moved on? Don't we have work friends and neighbors? At very least school friends. I had a couple of school friends when I was getting my teaching certification. But our lives kept us from making those friendships into lasting ones.

I have a million things I could be doing right now, reader. I could be planning for the school year, reading for my class, finally setting up my office, hell - I could even be watching TV - but the truth is that none of that places even a distant second to sitting right here at my laptop letting you in on all that is running through my mind.

I hope it hasn't been altogether unpleasant for you.

Elvis sightings

I am sitting at my table with a yummy fresh cup of coffee ready to take on the world this morning. I don't have class until 430, and I've already finished my novel for this week. Actually - it was pretty good.

In store for me this week, aside from class, I'll be seeing The Lion King! I'm really excited about that! Otherwise, not a whole lot going on.

Special shout out to my cousins Michael and Cathy, whose birthdays are today and tomorrow respectively. :) Have a good one, guys!

Funny. One part of me is wishing away summer and its heat. Another part of me wants it to last forever! The staying up late playing Nintendo with Alex, the sleeping in til whenever. I just need to add in some sugary cereal, cartoons, and summer camp - and it's just like being a kid again! :) (you know, minus the grad school)

My time is much more free now that I'm not working on a thesis. Although I'll be 57 years old by the time I get my masters... But oh well. At least I'll get the one I actually need. The thought briefly crossed my mind to go ahead and get the MS degree, and THEN get the MA. It would probably take the same amount of time. But who needs to go through the thesis writing process twice, I ask you?

Marmee and I had a girls' day yesterday. We got pedicures (mine was courtesy of my Aunt Donna!) and then we saw "The Break-up". It was fun to just hang out and be girls. The movie was different from what I was expecting... But good nonetheless. All though since it was set in Chicago, it really made me crave a good visit to the windy city. It has been nearly 2 years since my last visit. I'd really love to stay downtown in a fancy hotel for at least a couple nights. And then, of course - stay with my family.

All right - I'm out...

You came back to haunt me and I realised That you were an island, and I passed you by

Underachiever's Love Song

I'm bored. I can't think of anything good to do. I baked. I made up a hybrid recipe. All though I'm sure it's not my own original recipe... But I made a yellow-butter cake with a pecan coffee cake crumbly top. In 34-38 minutes - we'll see if that worked out.

Should be reading. For those of you keeping up at home - this week is Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen. Read along!

ugh!

I'm out.

Get a circus makeover!

I'm back from North Carolina. It was a great trip. It was so nice to see my family. The graduation itself was so fun. That's right - I said a graduation ceremony was "fun". The North Carolina School of the Arts does things a little (okay, a lot) differently than other high schools. First - the students do not wear the traditional cap and gown. They wear whatever they choose. I have to say I liked the fact that they could express who they are through their clothes. Nick (my cousin) wore a cap and gown. He was the only one. Much like a college graduation, they graduated in groups divided up by schools. The school of dance, visual arts, music... Nick was in the school of drama. They were the most entertaining to watch. One guy walked across the stage to accept his diploma on stilts. One rode a unicycle. One, wearing a pimp suit and carrying a cane, stopped in the middle of the stage and in his best projecting voice said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I am about to be graduated." the place went up in laughter and applause. Nick, whose last name begins with a Z, was the last in his school to go across. They called out his name, and faintly in the background "Chariots of Fire" began to play. Nick ran across the stage IN SUPER SLOW MOTION. He slow-motion mouthed "thank you" to the chancellor as he received his diploma. Then to the front of the stage. Still in slow-mo, he unzipped his gown. (Side note - you couldn't tell whether he had clothes on or not underneath the gown, so as he reached for his zipper... he heard someone behind him say "oh, god") He tore off his gown, swung it around over his head, and threw it into the audience. Then, on to his drama teacher who he proceeded to pick up and carry off the stage. I know I'm biased. He is, afterall my baby cousin, and as dear to me as a brother... But Nick stole the show!! It was then that I realized - out of the millions of people who want to be stars - Nick already is one. So many many people want to go to LA and "make it". Nick will have no trouble.

On to me... I started summer school on Monday. I'm taking a class called "History of the Novel". In 8 weeks - we will be reading 7 novels. I finished the first one last night as I have a quiz over it today. Also - I did find out for sure that I am having to change my Masters from an MS in College Teaching to an MA in English. Turns out that if I want to get the PhD in English - I at very least have to have the MA in English. Needless to say - I am frustrated. I was 12 hours in. Would have been 18 hours in with a thesis done by the end of this summer. Now - at the end of this summer - I'll be 6 hours in, and maybe I'll be fully accepted in to the MA English program. But that's a pretty big maybe. Turns out - I have to have 30 hours of undergrad English to be accepted. I have 24. An undeclared minor. Why, you ask, do I have to have 30 hours of undergrad English? I have NO IDEA. I've already requested a meeting with my new advisor to discuss what hell he's planning on putting me through. I'm really frustrated that I was recruited for this MS program. I have never been unclear about my future goals. Masters, PhD, professor of English. I should never have been in the MS program. I should never have been recruited.

But what's done is done. It is going to take me a LOT longer to finish my masters now. Especially if I have to take 6 more hours of undergrad. Alex and Marmee both pointed out the fact that that time will pass whether I get my masters or not. True. But I'd rather get this damn thing out of the way!!

The heat of summer is upon us. 90 degree weather - and hotter. YUCK!

This is me - signing off, and thinking cool thoughts - until we meet again.

Nick Graduates!

Nick Graduates!,
originally uploaded by amberqt.

You might have to click on this to see it best. But here is Nick - tearing across the stage in super slow-motion to accept his diploma. Funny stuff.

Cute house!

Cute house!,
originally uploaded by amberqt.

This is our little home. Isn't it the CUTEST?!?!?

Two wheels - no rules

It's Sunday - must be time to update the blog. It's finally summertime, and that means it's time to start on my thesis. I'm gonna attempt to knock the whole thing out - start-to-finish - over the course of the next 3 months. Let's see if I can do it. :) I'm so glad to have my first semester of teaching out of the way. I know I'll get really nervous in the face of the new school year (and that anxiety will probably set in around, oh - July...) but at least I can tell myself that I did complete one semester successfully. The circumstances under which I did my first semester were anything but ideal - so I'm thinking I can handle whatever comes my way.

On Friday, I moved all of my things into my new room. I don't know whether I posted this on here - but I was reassigned within my school. My school has 2 programs - one for the students who live in the community (which is aptly named the "community" program) and a magnet program (which is referred to as the "accelerated" program) for which students must apply and be accepted. I went to a magnet school when I was in middle school. Mostly - they offer higher-level or "pre-AP" type classes, and the kids often take foreign languages. Anyhow - I was teaching 8th grade community reading this past semester, but they administration thinks I am better suited to teach 8th grade accelerated reading, SO they switched me with the teacher who was handling the accelerated reading class. I got a MUCH bigger and nicer classroom out of the deal. :) There is definately a HUGE divide between the community and accelerated programs. The teachers feel it - and the kids REALLY feel it. When my kids found out, they felt a little betrayed. (especially those who will be repeating their 8th grade year) They said things like, "but you're not a snob!" and "you're going to turn into one of them! You're too cool to be ". I admit - feelings of guilt did begin to set in a little. When the administration asked me to switch programs - it was March, and I had yet to fall in love with my students. I said "yes" immediately, thinking only that this would be a MUCH better move for my career. I admit I didn't actually think about my kids. For that - I feel TERRIBLE. But, I made the decision, and I still think it's the best thing for my career. I simply assured my kids that I would still be there for them... just in a different room.

Three of my kids have a band. They got to perform at Mayfest this year and I went to see them. I became an instant groupie - they are SO good. (Mayfest - for those of you who aren't Tulsans is a street festival in downtown Tulsa where artists and musicians can come out and show/sell their stuff). No one would have believed that they are all only 14! But they are. Those 3 were some of my favorite students... And I am so touched that I was their favorite teacher.

I got a yearbook and let the kids sign. I have to say - I cried after a couple of the entries. These kids are so sweet. I'm really going to miss them. On the other hand - there are some of them I am SO glad to be rid of. :)

Alex and I are settled into our new place. We still really love it. It's funny - when you aren't cramped into 800 square feet, how easy it is to keep a place looking clean. That having been said - my big plan for this holiday weekend is to really give the place a good once over. What I love best is Sunday mornings... We sit at our dining room table and look out of our picture window while reading the paper and (in my case) drinking coffee. This house is so great! I'm sure once we have kids - it will start to feel smaller... But for right now, it is the perfect size!!!

Vacations for the summer? We have one that I can't really talk about on here. But it'll be fun. And then the other is just me... I'm leaving this Thursday to go to Winston-Salem, North Carolina to see my cousin Nick graduate from NCSA. He is going to move to the other side of the country in the fall to attend USC. I couldn't be prouder of the man he has become. I know that he is a person who will accomplish great things. It's strange to say this - because I'm 10 years his senior - but I really look up to Nick.

Well - this post has gotten exceedingly long. Watch for pics coming soon.

Scope the comments

Will post MUCH more at the end of this last CRAZY week. Just 4 more days with the kids, then 1 day without... THEN S-U-M-M-E-R!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Scope the comments section from the last post...

Nine more days - but who's counting?

Okay - I admit it... I AM! I think I'm more excited than the kids are! Despite the fact that I'll be in school myself all summer. I am truely looking forward to NOT being the one who has to come up with the assignments, and then grade them. Not to mention not being the one to keep the classroom in order. I am SO glad to have a 3-month vacation from having to say "zip it", or "who gets the first referral", or "guys, quizzes are still out, STOP TALKING". I won't have to confisgate notes - or keep a sharp eye out for kids texting their friends. I can just relax and sit back when I see someone listening to an Ipod. :)

Yesterday, the kids had their 8th grade assembly - which they treat like a graduation. They were all dressed up and their parents came to snap photos and cheer them on. It was cute, really. But I couldn't help thinking that it's a shame that these kids are in such a hurry to feel grown up. If you have a prom and a graduation at the end of 8th grade, then it's not as new or exciting when they do it a 2nd time their senior year.

For the next 2 weeks - I'll be grading grading grading. I have to have everything graded and turned in by Friday the 26th. So - I decided that their final will be the 17th. That should give me plenty of time to get it graded, and out the door.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. Don't forget to call your Mommy. :) I am going to re-post the Random questions... I saw that my man Davey from the block responded to the original post - and I wanted to address his... and anyone else who wants their chance....

1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll tell you what your superpower is.
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.

The "ayes" have it.

Okay - not that I was flooded with calls and letters (or even emails) begging me to continue the blog. But a couple of you have responded stating that you wouldn't know what I was up to without this thing, and so I shall continue.

This weekend has been a whirlwind of excitement. My cousin Brian graduated from TU law school on Saturday. (HOORAY!) So - his mom, sister, brother, sister-in-law, and our grandmother came in from Chicago to celebrate. My cousins were our first guests in our new home. It was really fun to have company! In fact, my cousin Michael and Alex were like peas and carrots. I didn't realize before how much they have in common. They stayed up late each night watching TV, playing video games, and just cracking eachother up!! I suddenly began to feel badly that Alex is surrounded by women 99% of the time. He never has another male to pal around with. (Esp. since his brother moved away) So - it was nice for him to have some testosterone around, and it was so much fun for me to have my family here. It was busy - we didn't get enough sleep - and I'm definitely coming down with a cold/flu type of thing... But it was all well worth it. My aunt will be staying until this Tuesday, and my Grammy will be staying with us through Mother's Day! (So next weekend is going to be crazy too!) The sad news is that Brian will be moving away back to Chicago, and that this time - it will be for good. (normally - he moves back for the summer, and then returns in the fall) Eventhough I rarely see him, I will miss having the opportunity. :(

Work has been great. CRAZY busy! And the kids are SUPER SQUIRRELY!!! They have 8th grade senioritis. We're just trying to make it through the next couple of weeks. Only 3 more Mondays (including tomorrow)!!!! THEN - I am going to North Carolina to see my cousin Nick graduate from North Carolina School of the Arts! And, to wish him luck as this fall he will be a freshman at the University of Southern California!! I couldn't be prouder of Nick! He is so talented, and disciplined. I have to admit that although I am 10 years his senior... I totally look up to him. I aspire to be HALF as dedicated and talented as he one day. (you know, not necessarily as an actor - but, dare I say, a teacher perhaps?)

Summer school starts June 5th. I'll be working on my thesis, and I'm enrolled in 6 hours. My hope is to get my thesis completely finished (or as close as possible) over this summer - so that I can EASILY just wrap up the few classes I have left to take - and move right on through to the PhD. (and then I'll have to change my blog name to "Dr. Amber Said") ;)

The NyQuil is starting to take effect, and so I will end this post for now.

Let me know how you are doing. I have not heard from many of you in quite a while!

Sad state of affairs

I post on this damn blog under the dillusion that people actually read it. Seems I was incorrect. :( To continue the blog - or not to continue the blog... That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to fade away, or to bow out whilst still under the impression that you are interesting...

Tales of an 8th grade nothing

It's stormy here today. At one point, during my 6th hour class - it was so dark outside that we literally could not see 2 feet outside of the windows. That part of the storm just produced hail, and a TON of rain and was gone in about 20 minutes. But it was kinda funny how spooked the kids got. Several of them wanted to call their parents. I let them. I'm just that kind of person.

We even had a tornado warning about an hour ago. (for those of you not living in tornado alley - a tornado watch is when conditions are likely to produce a tornado, and a tornado warning is when there actually is a mezocyclone - or a tornado, but not necessarily one on the ground). That was your meterology lesson for today. Anyone smarter than I can feel free to comment and let me know any inaccuracies. (of which I am sure there are plenty)

Moving on... Things are okay here. I've had a clumsy spell today though. I actually fell out of my chair at work (thankfully NOT when the kids were in the room). I should have a California-shaped bruise on my left arm by morning. It REALLY hurts.

I got all of my grades done for progress reports. I'm SO relieved, because I was starting to think I might never get them done! I simply need to input them tomorrow. (I am waiting because I have 2 students who are turning in a couple of things late to save themselves from getting F's on their progress reports)

I am SO excited to report that I am going to North Carolina at the end of next month for my cousin Nick's graduation. He will be graduating from the North Carolina School of the Arts (NCSA), and getting his high school diploma. He'll have a couple of months - and then head off to college. I'm so proud of him. I am also proud of my crazy-smart cousin Brian who in 2 weeks will be graduating from TU law school!!! The poor guy has been in college for 8 years straight! I am sure he'll be glad to graduate, and get to move back home to Chicago. '

Okay - and as inspired by Alex's brother's blog...

Let's see how many people actually read this blog.

1) Reply with your name and I'll respond with something random about you.
2) I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3) I'll tell you what your superpower is.
4) I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5) I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6) I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7) I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.

TBS Saturday

Okay - As it turns out, I'm not dead... Just SUPER flaky, busy, and still in boxes from my recent move. :)

First - the move... Alex and I found the CUTEST house! It's a 4 bedroom, 3 bathroom 2,500 square foot home here in Tulsa. The rent is a bit more than we were hoping to spend, but still within our range.

We LOVE this place! It's so cute! Brick with arches in the front - a nice yard in the back... It's so nice that we can be on opposite sides of the house - and not even know the other is there. :) (even so, we still tend to follow each other around the house) (how cute are we????)

Teaching is still going great! I really feel like I have a better handle on the kids, and I've even got some nice relationships with a couple of the kids. It is the most exhausting and fulfilling job! I have been asked back for the 06 - 07 school year, and have decided to stay on. I guess it's official - I'm a teacher!!

For the summer, my plan is to take 6 hours of master's classes. I wanted to take 9 - but they didn't have any other classes I could take. :( So I had to settle for just six.

In other news - last night - I was going to take a shower, and turned on the faucet - by some fluke - I ruptured a vein in my left index finger. It was truly disgusting! My finger turned purple-ish blue and filled with blood so much it swelled to almost twice its size. YUCK! But it's really ok. Just going to have an ugly finger for a while.

So - what is new with you, my faithful few???

If it's a thousand words you want...

So - I'm having this strange craving for pictures. Not necessairly new pictures - but just lots of them. Pictures of my friends and my family - either with or without me in them, I really don't care. Do you have some pictures for me? Please email me any you have on your computer - OR snail mail me some!

Maybe the craving comes from the fact that I haven't actually laid eyes on most of you in WAY too long. So - I suppose you should feel all warm and fuzzy 'cause I miss you. But don't get all big-headed about it. :)

I'm doing okay today. I could NOT go to sleep to save my life last night. It was past 230 am when I finally got to sleep. And ol' faithful - my super annoying alarm clock blared right on schedule at 6. I was so pissed off that I had to get up. After a week of relaxing and sleeping in. Oh, spring break, you are a cruel cruel temptress!!

I input my grades for the 3rd quarter today. I'm ahead of schedule, because they don't have to be in until Wednesday. But I am already done with them, so I figured I might as well get 'em in there.

Okay - I'm babbling. I think I should be thinking seriously about going to bed.

Fait des beaux reves!

Dear American Airlines,

Okay. First - sorry for the delay in posting. I didn't have a computer in LA - and leading up to spring break - I was a CRAZY busy person!!!

So - I've made it through my first 9 weeks of being a teacher. Miraculously - I'm still alive! :) The quarter officially ended March 17th. I've even got my grades all figured and ready to go. Coming up this week - my first experience with parent-teacher conferences! YIKE! :)

On to spring break! I was SO relieved and ready for spring break! No more work for one whole week! The plan was this: Alex left for LA on Thursday (3/16) and I was supposed to meet him there on Sunday (3/20) then we'd return together on Thursday (3/23). That WAS the PLAN.

What really happened was: I arrived at the Tulsa airport Sunday - was delayed more than 4 hours - went home, came back to the Tulsa airport Monday morning at 430 - was delayed SIX hours - flew to Dallas - missed the connection - had to fly to LA instead of Burbank. Then my luggage was in Burbank - so I had to wait 24 hours for it to be delivered to me. UGH!

While in LA - we had a fantastic time! We went to Universal Studios and City Walk, a great restaurant called Miceli's, and of course In & Out Burger. We got to see his brother a couple of times. It was a really fun time. :)

But then - it was time to come home. Dun dun duN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We were scheduled to leave Burbank at 1237pm. We boarded the plane and sat there until 4pm. Then arrived to Dallas 3 minutes before the plane for Tulsa was leaving. Luckily - we made it onto that flight - but alas, our bags did not. Here's the kicker... At the last minute, I checked my carry-on bag. I just decided I didn't want to mess with lugging it around. And - as luck would have it - I happened to put my keys in my carry-on. So - when we arrived in Tulsa, We had no car key - and no house key. We had to take a cab - $40, then wait outside in 38 degree weather for an HOUR for the emergency lock-out service in our complex to come let us in. We got home at midnight.

But our bags were delivered here about 30 minutes ago - and now we're here, and glad to be home. :)

How was YOUR spring break??

The Oscars and the GROUCH!

I would be the Grouch on the couch watching the Oscars. I'm only grouchy because I wanted to do lots of things today - like finish grading papers, clean the house, etc... Somehow I managed to get away with only doing the dishes (and that was only out of SHEAR NECESSITY, and then I came right back to the couch. I didn't even make dinner. I can't decide what it is that I would make or eat for that matter, so I've elected to just do nothing. Alex laughs when I get like this, because I get so grumpy so fast - and then about 30 minutes later, I'm fine again. :) (Some call it "mood swings" I call it "just part of my charm")

The Oscars are at least mildly entertaining. I feel a little slacker-y even about them though, because I haven't seen the movies up for best picture... Except for Crash - which I thought was an excellent film. I was halfway planning on going to see Brokeback Mountain yesterday by myself - but ended up with a miagraine - and opted to not.

SO - I've been a busy girl... Alex and I went last Monday to see Fiona Apple and Coldplay in OKC. It was a great concert. Fiona is a bigger freak than I thought. I wonder if she's like that in real life - or if it's just a facade... Coldplay was damn near flawless... Except for the part where Chris Martin (the lead singer) came out with his pants (or "trousers" as he called them) unzipped. :) Actually it was funny.

I took Tuesday off work - since we didn't get home until 2am. Then the rest of the week was filled with school preparations - and seeking rental houses. (which, by the way - we're in the market for one at least a 3/2/2 not terribly expensive in Tulsa - if you know of one, email me!)

It seems like weekends evaporate. I really didn't do much of anything, but I feel like it was Friday night about 3 minutes ago. Lame. All weekends should contain no fewer than 72 hours.

So - we saw a house today, and we both fell in love with it... It is newly built - no one has ever lived in it... It was a model home for a new neighborhood in Broken Arrow... It is a little outside of our price range, but we decided we could swing it - and we called the landlord. And wouldn't you know it - SOMEONE ELSE RENTED IT FROM UNDER US!!! We were both just sick about it. I called the landlord and pouted. He promised if the other people didn't check out that he'd call us first thing. But I am not optimistic. :( So - back to the drawing board. Damn! I thought we had gotten somewhere.

Now - we're getting ready for our trip to LA. Coming up soon! Hooray for spring break! And summer school starts June 5th. Through July 28th. I'll be a busy bee once again for the summer.... Life is just speeding right along.

It's not always a good thing, but right now, I'll take it.

Okay - now that I've spoken with you, I'm feeling MUCH MUCH better.

See you real soon!

Goes to show, you never can tell.

My friend Angie and I have been discussing the sad fact that one can never truly know another person. No matter who it is, or how well you think you know them; really all you have is faith that the person you are trusting is actually who they say they are. And I'm not talking about people leading double lives - nothing that dramatic. I'm just talking about the secrets we all keep from the world that always find their way to the surface, surprising, shocking, and often times, disappointing those around us.

I won't go into any details for the sake of anynimity, but suffice it to say, both Angie and I found out some things about people who are VERY close to us that left us both hurt, shocked, and disappointed. (And it wasn't the same person - or the same act)

I guess the most important thing I'm learning from this is that if someone is bold-faced lying to me, when I find out the truth - I should just leave it alone. Confrontation won't help the situation, and neither will getting myself involved. Though - it leaves me sad, because I have (in self defense) become indifferent to this person who I love. I just don't care. I don't want to know anymore. I don't want this person to go to the trouble of lying to me, avoiding me, or even talking to me anymore. I just want this person to go on with his/her life, f*ck it up as much as possible - and then do not come to me when it all hits the fan.

Crappy attitude, I know... But I'm so tired of trusting people, only to be disappointed that my trust went unvalued.

Not that I'm so perfect.

Anyhow - it's been a busy week. My Grammy has been in town since Feb. 15th and I have LOVED having her here!! But it has meant that I haven't been home much. Most days - I'd leave the house at 7 or a quarter of, and then not get home until 10... But it has been worth it!! Eventhough she forgets things easily - and sometimes gets lost - and sometimes argues for no good reason, she's still my Grammy. I just take everything with a lighthearted attitude with her - and she doesn't get on my nerves. She gets on the nerves of some members of my family quite easily. What they don't realize is - A) She is not doing it to intentionally bother them - B) She is not going to be around forever, and then how will they feel having had such a short fuse with her - and C) None of us would be here today if it weren't for her, so respect is in order.

Again - not that I'm so perfect.

I just call 'em like I see 'em.

Maybe I need to take my high horse to bed for the night. Re-reading this post - it sounds like I'm staging an attack on all of the morally devoid people in my life.

I'm not. I'm just annoyed at the stupidity that I am faced with sometimes.

And I'm sure people get annoyed with me too. Probably more often than I realize.

Good things come in little blue boxes

Not a ring, but a beautiful floating heart necklace.
I love it!!! I was so shocked to see the pretty little blue box with the perfect little white ribbon! It certainly helped to make my birthday a particularly happy one! He also gave me the complete series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on DVD - which most of you know is one of my all time favorite TV shows. (If not my absolute favorite...) So I was really excited about that too! I had a very nice birthday. 3 of my classes serenaded me at school. We went to Shogun for dinner (Me, Alex, Grammy, Dad, Judy, Brian and Jennifer) It was a good time, and the food was so yummy! Tomorrow (Sunday) we will be going out with Mom. Children of divorce always get 2 birthday celebrations. :) I've selected PF Changs for that occasion. I have a serious jones for expensive Asian cuisine. ;)

I got phone calls from several of you. Thank you very much! I have to say - I went to bed with the warm snuggly feeling that my friends and family are wonderful! I truly felt loved and special yesterday. Even mother nature wanted to give me a present, and she gave us almost an inch of snow. :) Coming home last night, blue box in my pocket - I got a little misty-eyed at the beautiful white snow. So peaceful - and just for me. Or so it seemed.

Today - we stayed in for the most part. It was cold and still snowy outside. We did, however, venture out to go and visit with Grammy. We played Scrabble. Mom was the winner - and I was the BIG loser. I don't think I even broke 100 points. But it was fun to play. Then Alex and I took advantage of the empty grocery store and got our shopping out of the way. Now we are enjoying a cozy evening at home. And soon we will snuggle into bed. YAY!

I couldn't be happier that this is a 3 day weekend! That means tomorrow night, I don't have to pack my lunch, fix my coffee, do laundry, NOTHING! I can just go to sleep with the comforting thought that I can sleep in the next morning! What could be better???

I know spring break will be here before we know it. Feels like Christmas was only about a week ago.

Good night, friends. I wish you all little blue boxes of your own!!!

Time flies - and then no need to endure anymore...

Hello all.

So I find myself again sitting on a Sunday night scratching my head and wondering where my week went. It seems only moments ago that it was last Sunday night, and I was in quite the same position. Only sick. I am feeling much better. How does the saying go, "it always gets darker before it gets light"? Well - it proved true for me last week. I was so sick, infact, that I actually called in sick to work on Wednesday. I lost my voice more times than I can count this week. I'm still a little sneezy and cough-y, but feeling a million times better. Alex was sick this week too. So we were a miserable pair on Tuesday the 7th, which was our 3 year anniversary. He made reservations for us at a fancy restaurant for that night, but we wound up postponing until Thursday when we were both feeling better. We went to Flemming's on Thursday. It was nice, romantic, fancy, all the things that I love!! It is the kind of place where they check your coats, and they comb the crumbs from the table top between courses. And they have courses. :) We had a lovely meal.

The rest of the week was me being frustrated that I was sick. And then me being frustrated with the extra duties involved with being a teacher. These things make me think that teaching at the secondary school level may not be the best permanant place for me. But who knows? I'm only 1 month in right now. Once I get used to balancing my time better - I might even grow to tolerate the extras. Right now, they're overwhelming, and annoying, and really pissing me off! :(

I'm excited because my Grammy is coming to visit and staying for 2 weeks! She will arrive on Wednesday evening!! I love when she is here!! :) Some of my fondest memories are of spending summers at her house, going on a cruise with her, playing cards. She's really just a fun person to be around! I'm glad that she decided to come and visit us! She'll be staying at Mom's - so I will more than likely be over there a lot for the next 2 weeks. :) (which might be a nice break for Alex)

Things with Alex and I are going fine. We made our plans to go to LA for spring break (his brother Sterling is living there now). I'm excited! I haven't been to LA in 20 years. Sterling lives right in Studio City. I'm hoping to see lots of celebrities. (although I probably won't, and even if I do - I wouldn't approach them, cause that's rude) I'm excited anyway. :)

Okay - time to finish the laundry, and start thinking about bed.

...and we're back.

Another week down. They really have been flying by. No complaints from here. That having been said I am SO behind on my grading it's rediculous. I've got to get caught up this week - cause we have to prepare mid-quarter progress reports by the begining of next week (the 13th, I think).

Not that that's interesting. I'm just blathering.

In other news - Ladies and gentleman, we have a thesis!!! As most of you dedicated readers know, I have to write a thesis for my Master's. As I've taken a brief sabbatical from my grad work this semester, I gave myself the assignment to search for and develop a thesis statement. And I've found one... (this is literary - so if you're easily bored with scholastic chatter - skip to the next paragraph) I decided that many banned books are placed there due strictly to foul language, and not necessairly due to content. I have found that most parents have not even read the books they are so eager to ban. I decided that I should... WAIT! I can't divulge my thesis here on my blog. Someone might take my idea, and then it would appear as if I plagerized. Humpf... Well - so much for sharing my thesis. Rest assured - it's good. And it's already been approved by my advisor. :)

I'm so tired of getting sick. Marmee said I should just prepare myself to be sick for the next year. And my colleagues agree - most 1st year teachers spend the entire 1st year sick. But damn! Every weekend is ruined with me coughing & hacking, or worse... It would be so refreshing to just go out and have some fun on a weekend - and not have to be feeling all yucky.

I'll end today's post with some good information for any of you who are thinking of becoming a teacher... Things they don't tell you about teaching: 1 - You will have scheduled plan periods during which you will be expected to substitute in other teachers' classrooms, attend meetings, monitor hallways, receive mentoring (in your 1st year), and do pretty much everything under the sun EXCEPT PLAN! 2 - Nobody is going to tell you everything you need to know to correctly do your job. Learn on the fly - and don't expect anyone to feel bad that you weren't informed. It is your responsibility to find out what you don't know you're supposed to know. 3 - PRAY that you don't have to do a fire drill! Disaster drills and IOC drills are no big deal - you can figure those out by just watching everyone else. But since no one will tell you how to handle these drills ahead of time, it's best if you just PRAY to whatever god you choose that fire drills happen only when you have no students! 4 - Always bring your lunch. The cafeteria is a complicated and scary place and it's just not worth your life to try to go in there. 5 - Don't plan on having the luxury of modern technology. If you do have a computer, phone, tv, or overhead in your room - PLAN ON IT BREAKING! Because it will, and then you'll be screwed. 6 - Call parents early. I waited until today to call my first parent. I was afraid to. Don't be afraid. Call them. Some will be rude - but most will be appreciative, and they will influence their child to behave better in your class. 7 - Kiss your life goodbye. You will no longer have free time to casually read a book or watch a movie. Your life is now planning, grading, squeezing in 1 or 2 hours of sleep each night, and repeating that cycle. Be ready to be exhausted. 8 - Curriculum??? What curriculum??? There more than likely will not be one. They MIGHT give you a pacing calendar or some pass objectives, but then "good luck". Reserve the next 2 or 3 years of your life to creating your own curriculum. (At the end of which, you will be reassigned to teach a different grade or subject)

Now, don't take this to mean that I am disgruntled. I'm not. I'm still happy with my chosen profession. These are merely things I wish someone had told me before I started teaching. It would have been nice to know what to expect.

More to come! Stay tuned.

Yuck, But help is on the way!!!!!!

I've never had a job make me appreciate the weekend SO MUCH! Not to say I don't love the work, because I REALLY do. But by Thursday - I'm EXHAUSTED and SO ready for the weekend. This weekend, however, I was a little under the weather. I just felt awful. I had a headache all day Saturday that bordered on a migraine. Ugh - it was such a bummer! I'd like to enjoy staying in bed all day (should that be my chosen activity). But yesterday, I was in bed because I felt like crap.

Today I feel better. Infact - my first order of business today was to clean the kitchen. And I did it before I had even enjoyed my first cup of coffee!! Now, I'm on the sofa watching cooking shows and contemplating grading papers. It needs to be done. But much like the times when I have finals to study for, I'm noticing that the apartment could use a good once (or twice) over. I'm such a procrastinator. :) Good to know some things never change.

Can I tell you, I am SO excited!! We are about to enter the "corridor of presents" as Alex calls it. It all starts Feb 7th - our 3 year anniversary; then Feb 14th Valentine's day; and finally Feb 17th MY birthday. Hee hee hee 3 days within a 2 week period where I get presents! I have to admit, this is almost more exciting to me than Christmastime. Almost. Christmas does carry with it a certain magic that can't be replaced. But magic aside - I LOVE THIS MONTH!

And for those of you who have known me since the good ol' college days - you know this was not always the case. I used to hate my birthday and Valentine's day. But that was because I was a miserable person back then. Now - I'm a happy person who's just tired all the time. :) But I LOVE LOVE LOVE my birthday and Valentines day!!

Alright - I can't take it any more... Mission: Clean the apartment!!!!

We don't need no education

It's sort of surreal being a teacher. I still look at the other teachers - now my colleagues - and see them just the same way I saw my teachers when I was in school. I don't consider myself to be really one of them. Not that they aren't nice. They're great. But I guess I just never thought that teachers were really human, or that they had lives outside of the classroom. And I am human, and I have a life (however boring) outside of the classroom.

I actually said something along the lines of "I didn't have time to grade that, because I have a life" to one of my students last week. He looked at me in shear disbelief. I'm 100% convinced that he thought I was full of crap.

Last Friday, I decided to read aloud to my classes. I thought it would give them the opportunity to relax a little after a long week of working hard - and it would also give me a chance to demonstrate classroom control. The only problem was that I didn't consider the fact that I've been coughing for a week, so my voice was weak. I made it through, voice intact, but by the end of the day I felt as if I had been singing in an opera for 3 nights straight. Note to self - elect students from the class to read aloud at least some of the time.

The other areas of my life are going well. Alex is great, and we're so happy. We're coming up on 3 years in a couple of weeks. I can't believe it. Really, our only problem is that our apartment is so small. It's like living in a sardine can. But it hasn't prompted any fighting. Just clutter. And, as far as I know, no one has died from clutter. :)

I hope all of you are well! Thanks to those of you who voted for Jerome & his fiancee!! They are accepting votes until this coming Friday - so if you have a spare second, please cast another vote for them!!

Because I know that millions of people read this blog...

Have you ever known anyone who won a contest? Like - a big contest, not just bingo at the neighborhood bar...

Well - my cousin's best-friend and his fiancee are one of 5 finalists to win a dream wedding in Chicago. All they need is for people to go online and vote for them.

Do something nice for someone else today - click here and vote for Jerome & Monica!!

Karma will thank you.

What did the zen master say to the hot dog vendor?

I just read Ellison's short story, "Repent, Harlequin" said the Ticktockman. It's cute. I was hoping I could use it for my 8th graders - but, it is WAY too difficult. Too many big words. Does anyone have any other short stories they can suggest??

I'd like to find things I can give them that aren't novels. Things we can do in between novels. I'm planning a 1 - 2 week unit on figurative language using music lyrics as a focal point. Things are moving along nicely.

At home, things are just normal. I get home from work around 5 - and by 9, I'm tired enough to start thinking about bed. Alex likes to say that I go to bed when Wheel of Fortune ends. It's not quite that early - but it's close.

I haven't heard from most of you in a long while - remember, you don't have to have a blogger account to post - you can just post as annonymous. :)

Hi diddle dee dee! The teacher's life for me...

Ten points to the first person who can tell me what movie that references...

Hee hee hee... Check me out - giving out extra credit outside of the classroom. :)

I'm now 100% convinced that I was born to be a teacher. I was really scared at first - afraid that the kids wouldn't respond well to me. But they have. I received feedback today from my team leader, infact, that she has heard nothing but positive comments from the kids about me. It's funny - but I get this strange swell of pride when the class is quietly working. Indescribable!

My schedule couldn't be better! I have 2 plan periods, one first hour, and one seventh. (There are only 7 hours in a day) I don't have to be there until 820am, and can leave by 4. Truth be told - I've been getting there around 8, and leaving around 445... But I have a lot to do in the way of organization and planning. I experience exhaustion like I haven't known in years by the time I get home each day. As I said to one of my fellow teachers - I've never before been so concerned with my feet and their comfort. Suffice it to say - fashion in the shoe department is no longer necessary... GIVE ME COMFORT! New shoes are on my list of things to obtain this weekend. 'Cause man-oh-man my dogs are barkin!!!!

I've really lucked out with my teaching environment. I am surrounded by an extremely supportive staff, and I do not feel like an outsider or a stranger in the halls. That is a feeling that would take weeks to gain in any other job I've had. (Even at Cendant - and I had a lot of friends who worked there)

How is it only 715?? It feels like it's about midnight. So - to sum up - I'm exhausted, but happy. I have found my niche in this world.... I was meant to be in front of a classroom.

So it is.

Quack Quack goes the duck.

Nice lazy Saturday. I'm so tempted to stay in my jammies and veg out in front of the TV all day long!! The cheesier the movie the better - thank god for TBS!!! Of course I'm looking around and realizing that I need to clean this apartment. But for now, I'm procrastinating and writing this FOR YOU! :)

I actually went to the school to observe some last week. It was great to meet the students and faculty ahead of my first day, when I know I'll be stressed and crazy. The retiring teacher I'm replacing is leaving me all sorts of supplies and materials. I am so greatful to her!! I'm convinced that I will have some challenging students - but I think I have some great ideas on how to reach them.

I'm really nervous. I'm afraid I am going to smile too much and be too nice - and then the kids will try to push me - or take advantage. Alex is nervous because 90% of the kids are bigger than I am. I told him that really doesn't matter. A 3' tall 50 pound kid could walk in with a weapon - and then he's automatically bigger than I am. But I feel safe in this school. They seem to have a good handle on security.

Okay - MOTIVATE!!! To the shower I go!!!!!

3:30am & WIDE awake.

Don't know why in any sane reality I'd be awake at 3am, but here I am. For some strange reason, Alex and I both shot out of bed wide awake at about 245, and neither of us could get back to sleep.

My mind is racing. (Although it was my bladder that initially woke me) :) I am thinking of all of the things I need & want to do for my job. So - I figured if I can get it all down somewhere, MAYBE my mind will let me sleep... I want to call all of the parents and introduce myself - as well as send home a note with each child giving the parents my contact information. (and I want to have a little space where the parents can sign it - so I know they are aware of me being the teacher now) I want to make sure I take snacky things with me to keep on my desk like nuts, etc... That way I won't be tempted by the evil vending machines. Do I have a locked cabinet or drawer somewhere in my room for my purse? When the service center calls me to officially hire me and give me the paper work to fill out - I need to make sure and ask when my first paycheck will be. (I'm a little afraid it won't be until Feb. 20th as this school district only pays once a month)

Also on my mind for my personal life this year - I want to take up Yoga. I'll probably have to wait until summer to have the spare finances and time to do it. But it's definately something I'm interested in learning. My cousin Nick took up some sort of Tai Chi - or some other sort of Chi - I'm not sure, but it's been life-altering for him, and I hear all of those sort of energy-connected exercises are that way. My 10-year high school reunion should be this summer, although I have not heard one word from any "reunion committee" ever. It would totally not surprise me if my slacker Gen X class decided just not to have one. But if there is one - count me in. My cousin Brian is graduating from law school this May, and a good part of my family will be in town for that. Then, I'm going to attempt to throw a HUGE bash for Marmee's 50th birthday (I'm thinking the party will be Aug 12th). If you live within driving distance and love Marmee as does all mankind, reserve that weekend and plan to be here celebrating with us!! (The party itself is not going to be a surprise party - but I am trying to keep the details from her - cause it'll be more exciting that way) We keep trying to get our apartment more organized and less cluttered. It's crazy how small 850 square feet can become. I don't even have all of my things here - there just wouldn't be room!! I hope that in this new year - we can find a system to help us organize better. Always, always, always - I want to take more pictures!! I never take enough.

I didn't really do resolutions this year. I think they're a set-up for failure. There are things that are in the back of my mind like those I've written here that I want to be aware of and attempt, or complete in the near future. But not "resolutions".

UGH!!! I'm still just awake as can be! Maybe a game of bookworm will drain my brain of it's vim!!

Auld Lang Syne

Almost 2006. The minutes are ticking away, and the close of another year is at hand. I'd like to think that as I leave 2005 behind, and take my steps into my 28th year of life that I'm a little wiser, a little funnier, and no worse for the ware. :)

This year in brief review for me has been a mixture of good and bad, progressive and static, and all in all well spent. I started off the year by begining my serious treck towards becoming a certified teacher. I took 15 hours of education classes; began plugging away at 3 of the 4 required state exams for the licensure; and Alex and I moved in together. By summer, I watched as my best friend got married; applied to and enrolled in my first semester of graduate school. Fall and winter brought me to 9 hours of graduate school; completion of my teaching certification; earning a job as a teacher (yay!); watching with pride as my Mom became a CEO; and the realization that I really can accomplish goals I set for myself, if I just commit to seeing them through.

Now, I am preparing myself for both my immediate future, and my distant future too. I am looking forward to being with Alex, teaching, continuing working on my Masters degree, helping Mom in any way I can with her new clinic, and maybe even making a few new friends. I've decided to start attending All Souls Unitarian church this year. And I hope to further my skills in knitting.

I'm inspired by this trend of blogging. I feel like it's a great way to keep in touch. I frequent all of my friends' blogs (at least the ones I know exist), and I love the idea that you are able to keep up with me when it is convenient for you. :)

Here's to a new year full of opportunity, health, wealth, and love!

Should auld acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind? Should auld acquantaince be forgot and days of auld lang syne? For auld lang syne my dear. For auld lang syne. We'll take a cup of kindness yet, for auld lang syne.

This JUST in!!!

Grades for Fall 2005 semester are in...

Drumroll, please...............................................

4.0 HOORAY!!!!!!!!

Much ado about job offers.

Greetings fair reader! Good to see you again. I hope that you have completed (or almost completed) your holiday shopping, and that you are able to enjoy at least a few relaxing days with your loved ones this coming week. I have completed my shopping. I think that all on my list will be happy with their tokens. I'm really ahead of schedule actually, because I've even finished wrapping all the presents & stocking stuffers. That's right - you're jealous. :)

So today was easily one of the crazier days in the history of me. As you know from your close following of my every move - I've been applying and interviewing for teaching jobs. I had my heart set on one job, but the principal never called me back. It's now well into the 3rd week since I last spoke with her. It's sad. And I was mighty disappointed. But - as Alex pointed out, it was a win-win situation, because either I got that job, or I took another full time semester of grad school. Either way - I'd be working toward my goal still. So I had resigned to the idea of another 9 hours of grad school when on Thursday of last week, I got a call from the Asst. Principal at Edison Middle School. I had already interviewed with her once - before Thanksgiving - but hadn't heard from her since, so I figured she went with someone else for the position. Turns out, she wanted me to interview with the principal. We scheduled it for 1030 this morning. I was pretty sure I wouldn't take this job, but I thought the interview would be good practice. Meanwhile, as I was getting ready for the interview this morning, my phone rang. It was the principal of the high school where I had interviewed in mid-November. She called to offer me the position. Teaching 12th grade on-level English. I told her that I was on my way to another interview, and asked if I could have some time to think about the offer. I went to my interview, and the principal (my old high school principal) offered me the job right away. Overwhelmed by this point, I asked him for some time to think about it. I told him that I had another offer on the table. He said he understood, but explained that he really needed an answer either way before the end of the day today. The asst. principal then gave me a whirlwind tour of the school - introducing me to teachers, letting me observe kids - it was so much information in a relatively small amount of time.

I walked out to my car with my head stuffed full of information. I called Marmee to get her opinion, and started driving. *Beep* Call waiting. Mom goes on hold, and on the other end of the line - the lady from TCC (Tulsa Community College) she has a class that needs a teacher - Comp 2. I asked if I could call her back, and told her that she was officially my THIRD job offer for the day.

I couldn't believe that I had THREE JOB OFFERS on the table. All of them great and interesting. What's more - I had no time to think about it. I had to make my decision today. Before 2pm.

Needless to say, I was flustered.

After much discussion and debate, and after getting the opinions of both Alex and Mom... I decided.

I took the job with Edison middle school teaching 8th grade reading.

I am nervous but excited.

More to come!!!

The semester is OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay everyone - on three, take one BIG deep cleansing breath!!! WHEW! The semester is over!!! As of 9pm last night, I officially finished my first semester of grad school!! WOO HOO!!!!! And, you won't believe this - but I really think I got all A's!! Although we shall see if my Lit Theory final was as succesful as I think it was.

On the job front - I still haven't heard anything from Nimitz. I called them again yesterday, but they must be crazy busy with holiday plays and grades or whatever it is that needs to be done.

I do have a 2nd interview at Edison middle this coming Monday.

Either way - I've enrolled in 9 hours for the spring, and I can always just do another full time semester.

Cool website alert: www.pandora.com they will take a culmination of all your favorite music, and introduce you to other music that you would probably like. It was cool - you should check it out.

Tis all for now. I have tendonitis in my right thumb, and it's really impossible to type.

The word is - there is no word.

I had a great time observing at Nimitz. The staff is super friendly, and the kids are spirited, but loveable. I observed both Wednesday and Thursday of last week. Then, Friday - I went in to meet with the principal. I went in thinking she would be offering me the position. But she didn't. The truth is - my meeting with her was short and uneventful. As we left things - I am to call her this Wednesday. I don't know whether she has found somebody else she wants to interview - or perhaps there is a tenured teacher who is interested in transferring to the school - or maybe after observing me while I observed, she decided that I am not a good candidate for the job. I don't know. But I am not discouraged. I was, but I've decided that there isn't a reason to be so. If I get the job, I'll take it - and start teaching. Win. If I don't get the job, I'll stay in school full time and knock out another 9 hours. Win.

Either way, I'll still be progressing toward the ultimate goal of being a teacher, and getting my Masters & then my PhD.

The weekend was quick but nice. Friday was uneventful. Saturday, we went to help Marmee paint her new clinic. Yesterday, I went to Marmee's and baked cookies and made chicken & noodles for dinner, which was fun.

Today - I've been hitting the books. I have completely finished my Educational Research class. The only thing left to do is turn in my research paper & take home exam. I have almost finished my college teaching class. I have 2 small papers to write for it, and one small powerpoint to create. Then - for my Lit Theory class, I still have to prepare for the comprehensive final - which is going to be a list of 18 quotes which I will have to identify and discuss. This would be great if it were quotes from stories - but it will be quotes from obscure essays that we have read for the class by obscure theorists. YUCK!! I also have my critical paper to write. I'm going to be working on Lit Theory this evening.

Tomorrow - I am heading to OKC to appear before the Teacher Competency Review Board. The rumor is that once I finish this final step - my certification will be complete, and I am licensed and ready to teach. :)

I'll keep you updated about the job or not the job. ;)

So, tomorrow - I shall become The Shadow

The interviews at both Edison middle and Nimitz went well yesterday. When I got home from the Nimitz interview - the principal called me and asked if I'd be willing to come to the school and shadow the other reading teachers for a couple of days. Of course I said yes, so I will be shadowing tomorrow and Thursday. Although - Thursday might suck a little, cause I sure will have to be in class until 10pm Wednesday night. But I think I'll live. And hopefully, I'll be living while holding a job.

Tired the next couple of days.... But ALMOST done with the fall semester. HOORAY!

And, I'm learning to knit!

We had a nice Thanksgiving. Wednesday - I went to Marmee's and baked pies from 4pm until almost 1am non-stop. I had some new recipes this year for the crusts and the pies. They were MUCH more high-maintenance than any I've made before - but they were also way more YUM-O! Except for the pecan pie which promptly exploded upon being placed in the oven. That sucked. Thursday, I was up and at Mom's by 10am to watch the parade and start cooking. We had our traditional fare this year for dinner - Roasted Turkey, Grandmother Hatcher's stuffing (which is SO yummy), Green Bean Casserole (which is much yummier now that I'm older), Corn, Mashed Potatoes, Mashed Sweet Potatoes (or, Yams - we weren't really sure which we bought - is there a difference?), Hawaiian Bread Rolls, and of course Cranberries. Then for desert - it was Pecan, Pumpkin, and Apple Pie with vanilla ice cream OR brandied whipped cream.

After dinner we played some games and then Phill dropped by to see me for a couple of hours. It was So great to get to chat with him and he taught me how to knit. Well - he taught me the basics - although I'm having a hell of a time trying to figure out how to cast on now that I'm away from his help.

Friday, we put up our tree. It's so pretty! It's a 7.5' pre-lit, and I love it! We haven't put ornaments on it yet - because I forgot to buy ornament hooks. But we'll probably do that tomorrow.

So - that brings us to today. I am watching the 100th Bedlam match-up between Oklahoma State and my beloved Sooners. And I just saw Phill on TV!! Hee hee. I remember when we used to go to every home game together. I'm sad I can't be there now. :(

I'd like to just take some time to reflect on those things for which I am thankful. First and foremost - I am thankful for my Mother and my family. Marmee has really given me the type of foundation that will provide me with even footing for the rest of my life. And she is one of my very best friends in this whole world. My family - although they can at times drive me crazy, has shaped my sense of humor, my sense of love, and my sense of home. Though we may not always see eye to eye, and fights occur more often than we wish they would - I know they love me, and I love them more than my meager words can express. My friends - I've done an excellent job alienating most of my friends this year. I've been out of touch - and unresponsive. My actions towards them have been abhorrent. And yet - my friends are always there for me with arms outstretched, ready to forgive my numerous offenses. I am so thankful that my friends are so understanding, and loving that they would tolerate my obnoxiousness. There are a plethora of other things for which I am thankful - but I'll close now with this... I am thankful for Alex. He has been my cheerleader, my friend, my advisor,my heart, and my home for 3 years now. Without him, I would not have earned my bachelor's degree, and I would not be on the verge of becoming a teacher. I would still have terrible credit, and I would feel like love is a myth that looms large above our society - but does not actually exist. Thank you, Alex - my life is what it is now because of YOU!

I hope you have much for which to be thankful this year.

Interviews a-go-go

So I've been interviewed and interviewed. I'm thinking a teaching job is mine for the taking in January - if I want to take it. I have a 2nd interview with Nimitz middle school on Monday, and a 1st interview with Edison middle school the same day. Meanwhile, on Monday as well - I am supposed to call Central high school and let them know whether I'm interested in working for them.

I really expected finding a teaching job to be much more difficult than it seems to be. Maybe it's just easy to get the interviews. Maybe getting the jobs is a bit harder. Although I have to confess that I was sure I'd have to teach French somewhere because no English jobs would be available. And not one of my interviews have been for French. All English. Thank goodness. :)

Alex & I have been cleaning our apartment the past couple of days. I am ashamed of how dirty we let it become. Hopefully we'll have it looking all nice for this weekend when we put up our Christmas tree! We got a 7 foot tall pre-lit tree with all white lights. I'm excited! I LOVE Christmas and decorating.

The semester is wrapping up. I'm glad. It was hard. I still have my HUGE paper to write for my Lit Theory class & we have a big scary comprehensive final in that class, too - so it's not over yet. But it's getting there. I have finished my 5 chapter research paper that I had to write along with the 100 question take home final for my Educational Research class. Then, for my college teaching class, I need to write 2 brief papers & create a powerpoint for a presentation, then I'm done for that one. So - really, I just have to focus on the Lit Theory for a couple more weeks - then I can relax my brain until next term. (Which, with teaching, might turn out to be REALLY SCARY!!!)

Thanksgiving day after tomorrow - I'm going to Marmee's and spending the day there. We are going to eat around 5pm, which is later than usual for us - but we are accomodating Alex's schedule, since he has to go to dinner with his family around noon. (To which I was invited - but part of the fun of Thanksgiving for me is spending the entire day in the kitchen cooking, and Alex was so sweet to be understanding)

Hope your all your turkey dreams come true!

...and for cryin' out loud - drop me a line occasionally!!!

I got a great book this weekend! Teaching Outside the Box - How to Grab Your Students By Their Brains by LouAnne Johnson. You have heard of her before - she wrote the book upon which they based the movie Dangerous Minds. If you're a teacher - or wanting to become one, I whole-heartedly recommend this book!

I'm reading it, because I just might be teaching high school in a month or two. I've been interviewing like mad, sending out resumes, etc... Friday, I interviewed with Tulsa Central High School. If hired there - I'd be teaching on level 12th grade English. For those of you who aren't familiar with Tulsa schools - I'll tell you that Central is in North Tulsa in a poorer neighborhood. It would not be an easy job by any stretch of the imagination. It would certainly be a challenge. Tomorrow - (Monday) I have another interview. Nimitz middle school - 7th & 8th grade English. We shall see what they have to offer. It is comforting that I'm getting so many interviews - I was really concerned that it would be rediculously difficult to even get one interview.

Also on Friday, I took the Miller Analogies Test. Let me just tell you what a bonehead I am... I had to drive to Tahlequah to take the test - it's about an hour away from Tulsa. My materials all stated that I was to report to the test site no fewer than 15 minutes prior to the 3pm test time. I rolled up in there at 3:15. Luckily, they let me take the exam. Thankfully - they hadn't yet begun. I think I did fairly well on the exam. We shall see.

Friday night, we (Alex, Mom, Shannon, and I) went to see the new Harry Potter movie. I really liked it. Although, I regret not having read the books. I tried to read them after I had seen the 3rd movie - but they follow the movies so closely that I got bored.

Saturday, Alex and I shopped for Christmas ornaments and went out to dinner. Today, Mom and I went shopping. There is this store in Tulsa called Direct Sales which sells business casual clothing from Dillards and other upscale department stores for rediculously low prices. Imagine $17.75 per clothing item. I got some great new stuff. over $300 worth of close for only $100. Can't argue with a deal like that. We did our grocery shopping for Thanksgiving, and then I came back home to read more of my book.

Nothing terribly exciting.

Alex bought us Coldplay tickets for their Oklahoma City concert in February. I'm looking forward to that. Especially since Fiona Apple is their opening act. :)

I suppose there has been enough babble for today.

It's been awfully quiet out there, readers.... So I fixed the comments section of this blog site so you do not have to use a user name & password. Post to your heart's content!!

Guess what!?!?!?!?!

No, no. Not that - but ALMOST as exciting... Marmee got the C.E.O. position!!! HOORAY!!!!! Our very own Marmee is the new CEO of Community Health Connections. (Or at least I think that's the name of the place) Now - before you all get excited and start emailing me (or her) that your best-friends uncle's wife's brother's friend's cousin's girlfriend knows a guy who has this friend who needs a job - she's not at that point yet. Of being able to hire people. I only say that because that seems to be everyone's reaction to her news. :) Not that I can blame anyone. :)

So - being the sweetheart that I am - I threw a surprise cocktail party for her on Friday night. Just 10 people very low key, but she was surprised and it was a good time. Good enough that we went through 3 bottles of champaign!! WOOO HOOO!

She is going today (actually in about 20 mins) in front of the board to negotiate salary & benefits, etc... i'm doubting that there will be any deal-breakers or show-stoppers there.

Congrats go out again to Marmee! I couldn't be prouder!!!

In other news - it was a very nice and very relaxing weekend! Other than Friday being a little crazy... I attended a teacher fair at NSU, and got 2 interviews out of the deal. One at Shawnee Public Schools (which is near Norman, OK 2 hours away - I won't be taking that one) and one at Tulsa Public Schools. Now, I would really rather not teach at Tulsa Public Schools because I don't want to have to wear a bullet-proof vest to work... But I'll take the job, if they offer me one. Cause that's just how I roll.

Following the cocktail party Friday night, Saturday was one of the most relaxing day I've had in weeks!! I got up, took a shower, changed into a clean pair of jammies, and proceeded to not leave the house the WHOLE day! It was yummy. Yesterday was nice eventhough we had to help Alex's Mom move the last few boxes from her storage unit to her new house. It wasn't much stuff - nothing was heavy, and it only took an hour or so out of the day. Then we went to Marmee's and had a nice roast for dinner, then home.

It was almost a perfect weekend. I don't really know what would have made it more perfect.

This is the last week of classes before Thanksgiving. I'm excited to have a whole week off coming up. Time to work on Christmas cards. Yay!

If you're travelling for your turkey this year - I hope you have safe travel. I am sure that I will post at least a couple of times between now and then - but just incase!

You're my best friend, and I love you!

Phill called me today. You guys remember what Ber & Phill used to mean?? We were a force to be reckoned with. No one had a closer friendship than Phill and I had. We were inseperable. We were the idyllic best friends. You will all be happy to know that although we live 9 hours away from one another, we are still a force to be reckoned with. Kudos to Phill for never losing faith in our friendship. I have to admit that I had lost some. When he joined the married club, I was pretty sure he was going where I could not follow. And I was sad that when he moved away, he would become absorbed in his life, and wouldn't need me anymore. Scarier still was the fact that I wasn't all depress-y Jane over the idea. I used to fall to pieces if Phill didn't call me one day. I knew we were both starting to grow up, and I thought that automatically meant growing apart. But it doesn't.

We're different now. But as he said today, "as soon as I hear your voice, everything's okay again." I feel the same way.

So - props go out to freshman & sophomore years of college. Gellie, 'Stina, Laura, Schuster, Amy, Lauren, Allison, Nate, Steve, Drew, Papa & the boys, those jerk-off SAE's, The Mont, The C-Store, Block & Barrell, Couch caff, Dale Hall, the duck pond, Sarah McLachlin, and all the incense in Norman. And to Phill. Those were the best times. Of my life. And although Phill and I both wish we could go back - even for a couple of hours, we know we never can.

Growing up sucks. And at the same time is wonderful.

It's 1145pm, and Texas still sucks!

Alex and I visited Dallas this past weekend. He had a comic-book convention to attend, and I thought I'd seize the opportunity to not only get out of town for a couple of days, but to see my friend Angel who I hadn't seen in WAY too long.

The trip was fun overall. When we arrived Thursday night, we checked into the hotel, then met Sterling (Alex's brother) and some friends for a late dinner. Friday, I stayed in the hotel room and did homework while the guys were at the convention, then we all piled into two cars, and went to Dave & Buster's. If you have a Dave & Buster's near your home, I highly suggest you go. It's an adult arcade basically. You can play skee-ball whilst enjoying your favorite alcoholic beverage. Plus - they have AWESOME food. We had an excellent time. With the tickets we won playing a highly addictive trivia game, we purchased some coffee mugs, beer mugs, and playing cards. Don't get me wrong - they had the stuffed animals, bouncy balls, and other things one would expect to find at a "redeem your tickets here" counter, but Alex and I were both excited that we can actually use the things we bought with our tickets. :)

Saturday I got to see Angel. She looked so wonderful, and it was great to be able to sit and talk with her. We reminisced about college, and all of our goofy stories. There was a bittersweet-ness to seeing her, though. It made me really miss those days when there were no consequences. (or at least it seemed that way) But I won't get all nostalgic on you again... I wouldn't want you to worry.

What sucked the WHOLE time we were there, though - aside from the fact that we were in Texas, a state I have ALWAYS disliked, was the damn traffic. I just don't know how people can become numb to it enough to not want to shoot themselves daily in lieu of driving in that bullshit one more day. Maybe it's just me. But the traffic in Dallas is crappy and unnecessary. And could they please just let each street have only ONE name?!?!?!? WTF?!?!? Why do they have to have streets that start out being Main, then change to 137th, then change to Wilson, then to Collins, then back to Main, but only in one direction, because going the other way, it's called King Rd?!?!?! Thumbs down to you, Dallas. Your secret society of navigators is way too much for this girl to put up with.

I just noticed that we haven't changed our wall clock for daylight savings time. I was shocked that I'd been sitting here more than an hour when I realized it's not nearly 1am, but nearly 12am. Did I mention I LOVE that I don't have to get up and go to work tomorrow? :)

For you music buffs out there - I've found an artist I L-O-V-E love!!!! Madeline Peyroux. She sounds like Billie Holiday. Very smooth & jazz-y. If you're looking for something relaxing if not a little romantic - I recommend her highly. ;)

I suppose I'll get back to my homework now. Since I'll have some more time on my hands now - you might just see a little more frequency in my posting. But I shouldn't make promises I can't keep. ;)

It's been too long

Hello readers!

Sorry for the delay in writing. The past couple of weeks have been CRAZY with school!! I had a mid-term paper for my Literary Theory class that was consuming much of my time - followed 7 days later by the requirement of the first 2 chapters of my educational research paper. YIKE! But they're done. Now - I have to turn in 1 chapter per week of my research paper... And I have to start working on my term paper for Lit Theory. It's a critical paper - whatever that means. But we got to choose a literary work over which to write our papers, and I naturally chose The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. I'll be glad to be working with a book I know so well. At least I'll be able to speak intelligently about it. I hope.

In other news: I have resigned at Check 'n Go. My last day will be this coming Monday, the 31st. I'm glad that I'll have more time to dedicate to my school work - and also to the pursuit of a possible job for the spring that doesn't involve ripping off the poor. Actually - I had a very promising interview at Tulsa Community College to be an Adjunct Professor teaching Freshman Comp for the Spring term. The lady said as soon as a position opens up - it'll be mine. So - probably by January - I'll be an English teacher at the college level.

For those of you playing along at home - let's review.... April 2004 - Cendant lays me off for the 3rd and final time. I decide to move to Chicago and start all over again. June 2004 - Move to Chicago with only what I can fit in my car. Live with my Aunt Carla and Grammy. Share a bedroom the whole summer with cousin Brian. Work 40 hours a week at a small travel agency where I am treated like a moron. Discouraged with my life in Chicago - I begin to think about the bigger picture... What do I want to be when I grow up??? I came at long last to the decision I knew would one day come. I want to be a teacher. Of English. At the high school, and ultimately at the college level. I began to look into going to college in Chicago. One word EXPENSIVE. I started to look at colleges back here in Oklahoma. One word CHEAP. The decision was made much easier by the fact that Alex and I - although technically broken up - were still talking everyday, and both still wanted very much to be together. Decision made. I would move back to Oklahoma. September 2004. Move back to Oklahoma and into my Mother's house in Tulsa with only what I could fit in my car. Find a really dumb job at First Data Corporation working as a customer service representative in a call center. January 2005 begin the process of taking classes toward Alternative Teacher Certification. April 2005 - Alex moves to Tulsa from Norman, and we begin living together. August 2005 - Completed necessary testing for alternative certification, sent all papers into the state for review and licensure. Begin Grad School - Master of Science in College Teaching with an English Emphasis. Cut to now - a year and a half after I decided what I wanted to do - I'll be doing it. How's that for resolve.

I know for most of you - that little review of the past year and a half was old news. But to me, it's significant. It is proof positive that I can achieve the things I set out to achieve. And that I can be successful. Trivia fact: did you know I made the best grades of my entire collegiate career once I started working toward this goal??

It proves to me - once you know what your true profession is supposed to be - you will succeed in joining it.

I hope this has inspired some of you to go out there and go after what you really want. Sure - it has taken some time, and money, and risk... But I am already seeing pay-off. And everything so far has been well worth it.

Chaos and Creation in the Backyard

Chaos and Creation in the Backyard,
originally uploaded by amberqt.

Oh, Paul McCartney... You are so talented.

Can I just say I am LOVING Paul's new album!! Alex bought it for me Tuesday night, and I've been listening to it non-stop since.

It's good stuff, in the way you'd expect Sir Paul to be. That's just how he rolls. He's a pimp.

But I digress.

For those of you keeping track of my professional developments - it seems I have an interview lined up for next week... At Tulsa Community College! I'd be teaching Freshman Comp probably, but it's a start, and it's not Check 'n Go!! One of the people I have class with at NSU had heard me saying that I was interested in getting in at TCC - and as soon as he heard of an opening, he let me know who to contact. Lesson: it is good to let people hear what you want to achieve, because they just might help you achieve it.

Should I get a position at TCC - my goal becomes this: Get enough $$ stock-piled away to pay Nov. & Dec. bills - then QUIT MY DUMB JOB!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOO HOOOOOOO I don't think it'll take too long, as I only need about $150 to finish covering Nov... then it's on to Dec - and out.

It would be nice if I could quit now - cause school is starting to slide into that downward slope in which all the assignments start coming rapid-fire, and you just kind of hang on, and hope you come out at the other end without road rash. I have 2 group presentations to prepare for the week after next, a book review for Lit Theory due next Wed, and Chapters 1 & 2 of my research paper due week after next. AAAACCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!

Plus - the kicker is - I have to take the MAT. I've been procrastinating about it - but I have to complete it within my first 16 hours of grad work... And as of Dec - I've taken care of 9.

As for the rest of this week - I've got school tonight, then tomorrow I have to make ready the garage sale and price things, etc... Saturday is the garage sale - Sunday I get to recouperate, and then Monday - back to work. Busy busy busy.

For any reader out there who is finishing his bachelor's and considering working for a litle while before he takes grad school - know that working and grad school don't go together very well unless you're taking 1 class a semester, or doing one of those earn your masters in 18 months attending class just one night a week things. But for those of us not getting our masters in business, but instead in something fluffy and arty - work + grad school = BIG HEADACHE.

Well - I've complained enough for today. Time to study some more. yippie

Bottle of white... Bottle of red...

Hello again.

Well - my beloved Sooners lost to texas this week. It wasn't close. It wasn't pretty. But since the longhorns haven't won yet this century, I guess I won't begrudge them a victory.

I guess.

The weekend was nice. PERFECT weather. If the weather could be exactly as it was the past couple of days 100% of the time, I would be a happy girl.

Friday night we didn't do much as I had to get up early Saturday to go to work. But Saturday night, we had dinner with Alex's Mother, and then went to see The Greatest Game Ever Played. It was a good movie. It reminded me of Remember the Titans. Good times. Today, I had brunch with my Mom, Aunt Carla, cousin Brian, and his girlfriend Jennifer. We went to BBD's. I can recommend the Lorraine omelet to those of you in the area.

Then Alex and I ran some errands and are now back home. Dinner is cooking and Desperate Housewives will start in 30 mins. Then, it's back to the books. I've really got to get my Lit Theory mid-term paper done this week. And with the daunting task of the garage sale looming - that will not be an easy feat.

For those of you who emailed me regarding my last post - I'm really okay. I get prosaic sometimes in my writing, and I can see now where it might have looked like I was having a problem. I was sad that day. That day was not a good one. But I'm not suicidal or anything. :) I do appreciate the messages of support that I received, however. ;)

I miss OU in the fall

...and in the winter. It's such a beautiful campus, and I miss being there so much. Especially days like today when I'm feeling a little blue. Nothing fatal. Althogh sometimes a non-fatal blow rots and turns into a fatal wound. Time will tell.

I know it isn't interesting to many of you for me to wax nostalgic about my days in Norman. But I remember so fondly how the benches between the library and Adams looked covered in fallen leaves. And how welcoming the lawn in the north oval was all covered in snow. One year - it snowed so much that some clever students made a chess board and all its pieces out of snow. Dyeing one side red, and leaving the other white. There always seemed to be such hope resounding through the halls of the school. Even at mid-terms when all of the over-caffienated, and over-stressed students scurried about to cram in the studying they had left until the last possible moment.

There was hope.

People were in love everywhere you looked. Engagement rings were always the newest fashion, and always in style. By spring, wedding invitations papered the mailboxes, and girls ran about finding dresses and halls, while the men finished their classes, and began future careers. The feminist movement did happen. But one could never tell by looking at the campus in spring.

It was beautiful. This week - I am sure the campus is bursting with Crimson and Cream on every wall. Every student proudly wearing his colors - confident that Texas will fall once again to Stoops and his mighty Sooners. And I would be one of them. I would be just as confident, and just so clad. But I am here. And to look at me, one coudn't tell that I am a Sooner born and a Sooner bred. One could tell only that I am a student - with so many books that I can't even cary them all on my back. With so much studying left to do that I've always got this stressed out look deep within my eyes.

With a heart on the verge of breaking.

I miss the days when it was me and Phill and Allison, Lauren, Laura, Angie. But always me and Phill. I miss the days when I could just pick up the phone, and within 5 minutes - I wasn't alone, but surrounded by friends who wanted nothing more than to hear me laugh and see me smile. I miss the days when I wanted to pick up the phone.

I find myself in a strange new place where I don't want to call friends, and I don't want to go out. Maybe it's that I'm tired constantly - and I have nagging in the back of my mind the fact that there is something else I should be doing. Writing a paper, or reading for school. Maybe it's that I can't relate to the people I once called friends anymore. I'm different now - and no one has noticed it. Not even I had noticed it - until recently. And I don't reach out to new friends because I worry I'm not ready. Since I don't know who I am right now, how can I know whether I'll be able to be a good friend to a new person. Chances are - I can't.

I have so much guilt hanging over my head that Suzie has been living back in Tulsa since July, and here it is October, and I haven't made any effort to go see her. I don't call her - though I easily could. Suzie - who drove all night to come to my high school graduation. Suzie who has always been so sweet. Suzie. Whose wedding I didn't even go to. I should have moved mountains to be there. But I didn't. I feel so awful now that I couldn't call her. I wouldn't know what to say. No excuse is good enough, because there is no excuse.

Sarah calls. I don't answer. Not that I don't want to talk to her or that I don't love her. I just don't have anything to say. To anyone. Heather calls. Same story. I know if I'm not careful - soon no one will call. Still I don't pick up the phone. I leave it on silent so I won't hear it ring. If I don't hear it - I can't feel the swell of guilt. I can just swim safely in ignorance.

I'm not a good person.

And it's taken me a lot of time to come to that realization.

I guess what I'm trying to say is - I miss OU in the Fall.

It's October - why is it still 90 degrees outside?!?!?

So - I've been sick this past week. I'm thinking that working with money all day exposes me to lots of germs and that's why I've been sick TWICE since August. But I digress... Being all doped up on NyQuil and prescription cough medicine has had its perks. I literally slept all day Saturday, and most of the day Sunday. Thankfully, I'm feeling much better now, and am able to update my blog again for you fine people. :)

Sad news out of Norman this past Saturday. I can't even imagine what the vibe must be on campus after something like that. I noticed it didn't make the USA today - so for those of you living out of the region... I'll just say that a boy attached a bomb to himself and sat on a bench on campus and blew himself up. It is haunting to know the spot where he did this. It is haunting to think why he did it - or what sort of pain he must have been in to do something of the like. It keeps reminding me of when Phill and I saw the guy get hit by the train. Remember that, Phill? It creeped me out for weeks afterward. I'm sure this event will do the same.

On a much lighter and happier note, my Sooners pulled off a victory last week against Kansas State. I am really hoping they will beat texas once again and make Mac Brown cry. We shall see.

I'm getting into mid-term time at school. I have a huge paper due the 19th of October. Today - I hope to finish reading the book about which I have to write the paper. Grad school really is just like college, except the assignments are MUCH more vague, long, and difficult.

'Tis all for now, my lovlies....