starting again

blogging again. not a sign of anything other than I'm attempting to change my current lifestyle, and I think that recording it in some fashion might just be entertaining as hell. for future me, and my audience of 3 readers (hi everyone!).

tomorrow - i'm going to stop eating in accordance to what I've always been taught is a "healthy" diet. based on lots of protein from animal products, etc... whole grains, olive oil...

tomorrow - i'm going to start eating a nutritarian diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and legumes. no salt, sugar, caffeine, animal products, oils...

at first? this sounded like zero fun, and a horrible, drastic, dramatic, crazy plan. too crazy - a complete overhaul of my kitchen, my diet, my life! all because my sweet husband wanted to try this plan. so - I acquiesced to read the book. Eat to Live.

I'll post all my measurements and weight at some point (when I'm feeling braver and also when I've had some success so I can say "wow! look how horribly unhealthy I was")...

for now, suffice it to say that I'm overweight (this suprises no one), I've been overweight my whole life. (well, since I was about 7) and I am hopeful that I can find a way to become a more healthy individual for my sake, my husband's sake, and the sake of our two beautiful children.

but don't be completely fooled... I'm scared that this, too, will be unworkable - like many that have come before. I think that line of thought might be my subconscious trying to give me permission to fail. I really don't want it. I want to be successful. I want to be healthy and active. I want to run out in the backyard with my kids instead of sitting my ass in a chair and wishing I were inside and comfortable. I want to be comfortable in my clothes. I never really have been. I know that lots of people throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and they are completely comfortable. I am always worried about my stomach jutting out over my waistband. I'm ready to be at ease in my skin. I'm ready to be a good role model for my family. I'm ready to stop living a toxic life under the guise of normalcy.

I'm ready.

I think.

however, all this having been said - I did just down a hershey bar at warp speed. there's no stopping me, folks. I'm a mess to be reckoned with. :)