The Significance of Others

I just rolled back into Tulsa an hour ago. I am still high from being with all of my old pals! It is so easy to forget how important your friends are to your self-esteem until you've been deprived of them for a long period of time. Seeing them again was like jumping in to a refreshingly cool pool on a hot day. And even if I come out shivering, I'm still glad I got to take a dip.

Laura's recent email summed it up perfectly - Because you don't see someone on a daily basis, you feel that you're uninvolved in their life, but then you think back on it - and all the history you have with that person (or people) and you can see that your relationship with them is quite involoved.

She put it more eloquently.

I have recently comforted myself with the idea that I was glad of having no local friends because that meant no drama. Which is true - my life has very little drama. (unless I create it myself) But my life lacks Angie, and Laura, and Chad, and Tiffany, and Scott, and Rob, and although those are just the people I saw this weekend, my life lacks so many more of my old friends. You know, I said that I was worried I was loosing that person who I used to be. It's not because she's been stifled, or because my relationship with Alex has put my former self on a back burner. It's the absence of those people in my life who make that side of me appear. I was her again this weekend. I was witty, and funny, and charming, and confident. I didn't feel the need to hide in a corner to avoid being noticed. I knew that the people who surrounded me did so because they genuinely like being with me. (I don't want this to come out wrong... I know that the people in Tulsa genuinely like being with me... But they are my family, and they have to love me. My friends on the other hand, they CHOOSE to love me.)

I feel so good right now. It really is like a high. I know that in a couple of days, I'll forget the particular feeling I had when Angie and I laughed ourselves into asthma attacks - or how it felt to sit at a table with my girls last night trading blow job secrets and laughing so loudly that everyone else was jealous of our fun. I'll remember that it was great, but I won't be able to still feel it. Like I can right now.

These people built me up to a level of confidence I haven't seen since I moved away from Norman in 2004. I really hope I was able to do the same for them. Because I love every single one of them SO much. I hope that they were able to tell how funny, special, beautiful (or handsome - in some cases) and rare they are. These are some of the greatest people on the planet. And I am a better person for having them in my life.

Perhaps it is for that reason that I hesitate to find a new group of friends. None can live up to my Norman pals. No days can live up to the Halray Dr. days, or the Dolet days, or the nights at Bill's. I'm telling you, I know there are good times to be had in the future - but those days were LEGENDARY!

Alright - there's my love song for my friends. After hearing I read on your blog..." more than a couple of times this weekend, I know you guys are out there reading... Suffering, laughing, crying, and enjoying sweet little victories (and earthquakes) along with me.

Thank you SO much!

...more to come :)