Hello readers!
Sorry for the delay in writing. The past couple of weeks have been CRAZY with school!! I had a mid-term paper for my Literary Theory class that was consuming much of my time - followed 7 days later by the requirement of the first 2 chapters of my educational research paper. YIKE! But they're done. Now - I have to turn in 1 chapter per week of my research paper... And I have to start working on my term paper for Lit Theory. It's a critical paper - whatever that means. But we got to choose a literary work over which to write our papers, and I naturally chose The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath. I'll be glad to be working with a book I know so well. At least I'll be able to speak intelligently about it. I hope.
In other news: I have resigned at Check 'n Go. My last day will be this coming Monday, the 31st. I'm glad that I'll have more time to dedicate to my school work - and also to the pursuit of a possible job for the spring that doesn't involve ripping off the poor. Actually - I had a very promising interview at Tulsa Community College to be an Adjunct Professor teaching Freshman Comp for the Spring term. The lady said as soon as a position opens up - it'll be mine. So - probably by January - I'll be an English teacher at the college level.
For those of you playing along at home - let's review.... April 2004 - Cendant lays me off for the 3rd and final time. I decide to move to Chicago and start all over again. June 2004 - Move to Chicago with only what I can fit in my car. Live with my Aunt Carla and Grammy. Share a bedroom the whole summer with cousin Brian. Work 40 hours a week at a small travel agency where I am treated like a moron. Discouraged with my life in Chicago - I begin to think about the bigger picture... What do I want to be when I grow up??? I came at long last to the decision I knew would one day come. I want to be a teacher. Of English. At the high school, and ultimately at the college level. I began to look into going to college in Chicago. One word EXPENSIVE. I started to look at colleges back here in Oklahoma. One word CHEAP. The decision was made much easier by the fact that Alex and I - although technically broken up - were still talking everyday, and both still wanted very much to be together. Decision made. I would move back to Oklahoma. September 2004. Move back to Oklahoma and into my Mother's house in Tulsa with only what I could fit in my car. Find a really dumb job at First Data Corporation working as a customer service representative in a call center. January 2005 begin the process of taking classes toward Alternative Teacher Certification. April 2005 - Alex moves to Tulsa from Norman, and we begin living together. August 2005 - Completed necessary testing for alternative certification, sent all papers into the state for review and licensure. Begin Grad School - Master of Science in College Teaching with an English Emphasis. Cut to now - a year and a half after I decided what I wanted to do - I'll be doing it. How's that for resolve.
I know for most of you - that little review of the past year and a half was old news. But to me, it's significant. It is proof positive that I can achieve the things I set out to achieve. And that I can be successful. Trivia fact: did you know I made the best grades of my entire collegiate career once I started working toward this goal??
It proves to me - once you know what your true profession is supposed to be - you will succeed in joining it.
I hope this has inspired some of you to go out there and go after what you really want. Sure - it has taken some time, and money, and risk... But I am already seeing pay-off. And everything so far has been well worth it.
Friday, October 28, 2005
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Chaos and Creation in the Backyard
Oh, Paul McCartney... You are so talented.
Can I just say I am LOVING Paul's new album!! Alex bought it for me Tuesday night, and I've been listening to it non-stop since.
It's good stuff, in the way you'd expect Sir Paul to be. That's just how he rolls. He's a pimp.
But I digress.
For those of you keeping track of my professional developments - it seems I have an interview lined up for next week... At Tulsa Community College! I'd be teaching Freshman Comp probably, but it's a start, and it's not Check 'n Go!! One of the people I have class with at NSU had heard me saying that I was interested in getting in at TCC - and as soon as he heard of an opening, he let me know who to contact. Lesson: it is good to let people hear what you want to achieve, because they just might help you achieve it.
Should I get a position at TCC - my goal becomes this: Get enough $$ stock-piled away to pay Nov. & Dec. bills - then QUIT MY DUMB JOB!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOO HOOOOOOO I don't think it'll take too long, as I only need about $150 to finish covering Nov... then it's on to Dec - and out.
It would be nice if I could quit now - cause school is starting to slide into that downward slope in which all the assignments start coming rapid-fire, and you just kind of hang on, and hope you come out at the other end without road rash. I have 2 group presentations to prepare for the week after next, a book review for Lit Theory due next Wed, and Chapters 1 & 2 of my research paper due week after next. AAAACCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!
Plus - the kicker is - I have to take the MAT. I've been procrastinating about it - but I have to complete it within my first 16 hours of grad work... And as of Dec - I've taken care of 9.
As for the rest of this week - I've got school tonight, then tomorrow I have to make ready the garage sale and price things, etc... Saturday is the garage sale - Sunday I get to recouperate, and then Monday - back to work. Busy busy busy.
For any reader out there who is finishing his bachelor's and considering working for a litle while before he takes grad school - know that working and grad school don't go together very well unless you're taking 1 class a semester, or doing one of those earn your masters in 18 months attending class just one night a week things. But for those of us not getting our masters in business, but instead in something fluffy and arty - work + grad school = BIG HEADACHE.
Well - I've complained enough for today. Time to study some more. yippie
Can I just say I am LOVING Paul's new album!! Alex bought it for me Tuesday night, and I've been listening to it non-stop since.
It's good stuff, in the way you'd expect Sir Paul to be. That's just how he rolls. He's a pimp.
But I digress.
For those of you keeping track of my professional developments - it seems I have an interview lined up for next week... At Tulsa Community College! I'd be teaching Freshman Comp probably, but it's a start, and it's not Check 'n Go!! One of the people I have class with at NSU had heard me saying that I was interested in getting in at TCC - and as soon as he heard of an opening, he let me know who to contact. Lesson: it is good to let people hear what you want to achieve, because they just might help you achieve it.
Should I get a position at TCC - my goal becomes this: Get enough $$ stock-piled away to pay Nov. & Dec. bills - then QUIT MY DUMB JOB!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOO HOOOOOOO I don't think it'll take too long, as I only need about $150 to finish covering Nov... then it's on to Dec - and out.
It would be nice if I could quit now - cause school is starting to slide into that downward slope in which all the assignments start coming rapid-fire, and you just kind of hang on, and hope you come out at the other end without road rash. I have 2 group presentations to prepare for the week after next, a book review for Lit Theory due next Wed, and Chapters 1 & 2 of my research paper due week after next. AAAACCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!
Plus - the kicker is - I have to take the MAT. I've been procrastinating about it - but I have to complete it within my first 16 hours of grad work... And as of Dec - I've taken care of 9.
As for the rest of this week - I've got school tonight, then tomorrow I have to make ready the garage sale and price things, etc... Saturday is the garage sale - Sunday I get to recouperate, and then Monday - back to work. Busy busy busy.
For any reader out there who is finishing his bachelor's and considering working for a litle while before he takes grad school - know that working and grad school don't go together very well unless you're taking 1 class a semester, or doing one of those earn your masters in 18 months attending class just one night a week things. But for those of us not getting our masters in business, but instead in something fluffy and arty - work + grad school = BIG HEADACHE.
Well - I've complained enough for today. Time to study some more. yippie
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Bottle of white... Bottle of red...
Hello again.
Well - my beloved Sooners lost to texas this week. It wasn't close. It wasn't pretty. But since the longhorns haven't won yet this century, I guess I won't begrudge them a victory.
I guess.
The weekend was nice. PERFECT weather. If the weather could be exactly as it was the past couple of days 100% of the time, I would be a happy girl.
Friday night we didn't do much as I had to get up early Saturday to go to work. But Saturday night, we had dinner with Alex's Mother, and then went to see The Greatest Game Ever Played. It was a good movie. It reminded me of Remember the Titans. Good times. Today, I had brunch with my Mom, Aunt Carla, cousin Brian, and his girlfriend Jennifer. We went to BBD's. I can recommend the Lorraine omelet to those of you in the area.
Then Alex and I ran some errands and are now back home. Dinner is cooking and Desperate Housewives will start in 30 mins. Then, it's back to the books. I've really got to get my Lit Theory mid-term paper done this week. And with the daunting task of the garage sale looming - that will not be an easy feat.
For those of you who emailed me regarding my last post - I'm really okay. I get prosaic sometimes in my writing, and I can see now where it might have looked like I was having a problem. I was sad that day. That day was not a good one. But I'm not suicidal or anything. :) I do appreciate the messages of support that I received, however. ;)
Well - my beloved Sooners lost to texas this week. It wasn't close. It wasn't pretty. But since the longhorns haven't won yet this century, I guess I won't begrudge them a victory.
I guess.
The weekend was nice. PERFECT weather. If the weather could be exactly as it was the past couple of days 100% of the time, I would be a happy girl.
Friday night we didn't do much as I had to get up early Saturday to go to work. But Saturday night, we had dinner with Alex's Mother, and then went to see The Greatest Game Ever Played. It was a good movie. It reminded me of Remember the Titans. Good times. Today, I had brunch with my Mom, Aunt Carla, cousin Brian, and his girlfriend Jennifer. We went to BBD's. I can recommend the Lorraine omelet to those of you in the area.
Then Alex and I ran some errands and are now back home. Dinner is cooking and Desperate Housewives will start in 30 mins. Then, it's back to the books. I've really got to get my Lit Theory mid-term paper done this week. And with the daunting task of the garage sale looming - that will not be an easy feat.
For those of you who emailed me regarding my last post - I'm really okay. I get prosaic sometimes in my writing, and I can see now where it might have looked like I was having a problem. I was sad that day. That day was not a good one. But I'm not suicidal or anything. :) I do appreciate the messages of support that I received, however. ;)
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
I miss OU in the fall
...and in the winter. It's such a beautiful campus, and I miss being there so much. Especially days like today when I'm feeling a little blue. Nothing fatal. Althogh sometimes a non-fatal blow rots and turns into a fatal wound. Time will tell.
I know it isn't interesting to many of you for me to wax nostalgic about my days in Norman. But I remember so fondly how the benches between the library and Adams looked covered in fallen leaves. And how welcoming the lawn in the north oval was all covered in snow. One year - it snowed so much that some clever students made a chess board and all its pieces out of snow. Dyeing one side red, and leaving the other white. There always seemed to be such hope resounding through the halls of the school. Even at mid-terms when all of the over-caffienated, and over-stressed students scurried about to cram in the studying they had left until the last possible moment.
There was hope.
People were in love everywhere you looked. Engagement rings were always the newest fashion, and always in style. By spring, wedding invitations papered the mailboxes, and girls ran about finding dresses and halls, while the men finished their classes, and began future careers. The feminist movement did happen. But one could never tell by looking at the campus in spring.
It was beautiful. This week - I am sure the campus is bursting with Crimson and Cream on every wall. Every student proudly wearing his colors - confident that Texas will fall once again to Stoops and his mighty Sooners. And I would be one of them. I would be just as confident, and just so clad. But I am here. And to look at me, one coudn't tell that I am a Sooner born and a Sooner bred. One could tell only that I am a student - with so many books that I can't even cary them all on my back. With so much studying left to do that I've always got this stressed out look deep within my eyes.
With a heart on the verge of breaking.
I miss the days when it was me and Phill and Allison, Lauren, Laura, Angie. But always me and Phill. I miss the days when I could just pick up the phone, and within 5 minutes - I wasn't alone, but surrounded by friends who wanted nothing more than to hear me laugh and see me smile. I miss the days when I wanted to pick up the phone.
I find myself in a strange new place where I don't want to call friends, and I don't want to go out. Maybe it's that I'm tired constantly - and I have nagging in the back of my mind the fact that there is something else I should be doing. Writing a paper, or reading for school. Maybe it's that I can't relate to the people I once called friends anymore. I'm different now - and no one has noticed it. Not even I had noticed it - until recently. And I don't reach out to new friends because I worry I'm not ready. Since I don't know who I am right now, how can I know whether I'll be able to be a good friend to a new person. Chances are - I can't.
I have so much guilt hanging over my head that Suzie has been living back in Tulsa since July, and here it is October, and I haven't made any effort to go see her. I don't call her - though I easily could. Suzie - who drove all night to come to my high school graduation. Suzie who has always been so sweet. Suzie. Whose wedding I didn't even go to. I should have moved mountains to be there. But I didn't. I feel so awful now that I couldn't call her. I wouldn't know what to say. No excuse is good enough, because there is no excuse.
Sarah calls. I don't answer. Not that I don't want to talk to her or that I don't love her. I just don't have anything to say. To anyone. Heather calls. Same story. I know if I'm not careful - soon no one will call. Still I don't pick up the phone. I leave it on silent so I won't hear it ring. If I don't hear it - I can't feel the swell of guilt. I can just swim safely in ignorance.
I'm not a good person.
And it's taken me a lot of time to come to that realization.
I guess what I'm trying to say is - I miss OU in the Fall.
I know it isn't interesting to many of you for me to wax nostalgic about my days in Norman. But I remember so fondly how the benches between the library and Adams looked covered in fallen leaves. And how welcoming the lawn in the north oval was all covered in snow. One year - it snowed so much that some clever students made a chess board and all its pieces out of snow. Dyeing one side red, and leaving the other white. There always seemed to be such hope resounding through the halls of the school. Even at mid-terms when all of the over-caffienated, and over-stressed students scurried about to cram in the studying they had left until the last possible moment.
There was hope.
People were in love everywhere you looked. Engagement rings were always the newest fashion, and always in style. By spring, wedding invitations papered the mailboxes, and girls ran about finding dresses and halls, while the men finished their classes, and began future careers. The feminist movement did happen. But one could never tell by looking at the campus in spring.
It was beautiful. This week - I am sure the campus is bursting with Crimson and Cream on every wall. Every student proudly wearing his colors - confident that Texas will fall once again to Stoops and his mighty Sooners. And I would be one of them. I would be just as confident, and just so clad. But I am here. And to look at me, one coudn't tell that I am a Sooner born and a Sooner bred. One could tell only that I am a student - with so many books that I can't even cary them all on my back. With so much studying left to do that I've always got this stressed out look deep within my eyes.
With a heart on the verge of breaking.
I miss the days when it was me and Phill and Allison, Lauren, Laura, Angie. But always me and Phill. I miss the days when I could just pick up the phone, and within 5 minutes - I wasn't alone, but surrounded by friends who wanted nothing more than to hear me laugh and see me smile. I miss the days when I wanted to pick up the phone.
I find myself in a strange new place where I don't want to call friends, and I don't want to go out. Maybe it's that I'm tired constantly - and I have nagging in the back of my mind the fact that there is something else I should be doing. Writing a paper, or reading for school. Maybe it's that I can't relate to the people I once called friends anymore. I'm different now - and no one has noticed it. Not even I had noticed it - until recently. And I don't reach out to new friends because I worry I'm not ready. Since I don't know who I am right now, how can I know whether I'll be able to be a good friend to a new person. Chances are - I can't.
I have so much guilt hanging over my head that Suzie has been living back in Tulsa since July, and here it is October, and I haven't made any effort to go see her. I don't call her - though I easily could. Suzie - who drove all night to come to my high school graduation. Suzie who has always been so sweet. Suzie. Whose wedding I didn't even go to. I should have moved mountains to be there. But I didn't. I feel so awful now that I couldn't call her. I wouldn't know what to say. No excuse is good enough, because there is no excuse.
Sarah calls. I don't answer. Not that I don't want to talk to her or that I don't love her. I just don't have anything to say. To anyone. Heather calls. Same story. I know if I'm not careful - soon no one will call. Still I don't pick up the phone. I leave it on silent so I won't hear it ring. If I don't hear it - I can't feel the swell of guilt. I can just swim safely in ignorance.
I'm not a good person.
And it's taken me a lot of time to come to that realization.
I guess what I'm trying to say is - I miss OU in the Fall.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
It's October - why is it still 90 degrees outside?!?!?
So - I've been sick this past week. I'm thinking that working with money all day exposes me to lots of germs and that's why I've been sick TWICE since August. But I digress... Being all doped up on NyQuil and prescription cough medicine has had its perks. I literally slept all day Saturday, and most of the day Sunday. Thankfully, I'm feeling much better now, and am able to update my blog again for you fine people. :)
Sad news out of Norman this past Saturday. I can't even imagine what the vibe must be on campus after something like that. I noticed it didn't make the USA today - so for those of you living out of the region... I'll just say that a boy attached a bomb to himself and sat on a bench on campus and blew himself up. It is haunting to know the spot where he did this. It is haunting to think why he did it - or what sort of pain he must have been in to do something of the like. It keeps reminding me of when Phill and I saw the guy get hit by the train. Remember that, Phill? It creeped me out for weeks afterward. I'm sure this event will do the same.
On a much lighter and happier note, my Sooners pulled off a victory last week against Kansas State. I am really hoping they will beat texas once again and make Mac Brown cry. We shall see.
I'm getting into mid-term time at school. I have a huge paper due the 19th of October. Today - I hope to finish reading the book about which I have to write the paper. Grad school really is just like college, except the assignments are MUCH more vague, long, and difficult.
'Tis all for now, my lovlies....
Sad news out of Norman this past Saturday. I can't even imagine what the vibe must be on campus after something like that. I noticed it didn't make the USA today - so for those of you living out of the region... I'll just say that a boy attached a bomb to himself and sat on a bench on campus and blew himself up. It is haunting to know the spot where he did this. It is haunting to think why he did it - or what sort of pain he must have been in to do something of the like. It keeps reminding me of when Phill and I saw the guy get hit by the train. Remember that, Phill? It creeped me out for weeks afterward. I'm sure this event will do the same.
On a much lighter and happier note, my Sooners pulled off a victory last week against Kansas State. I am really hoping they will beat texas once again and make Mac Brown cry. We shall see.
I'm getting into mid-term time at school. I have a huge paper due the 19th of October. Today - I hope to finish reading the book about which I have to write the paper. Grad school really is just like college, except the assignments are MUCH more vague, long, and difficult.
'Tis all for now, my lovlies....
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